Sometimes life can be really difficult and uncooperative. Demands on our time and energy come, even when we don’t have any of those things to spare. And such is my life right now.
I’m in some pretty serious adrenal distress and I’m having trouble keeping my anxiety in check. But that doesn’t seem to stop life from asking the impossible.
My parents have sold their home in California and are getting ready to move to Idaho. My father has been ill for over a year and my mom is drowning in this down-sizing project. She needs me.
J asks me what I need and I don’t really know. I feel like I need a pause button in my life so I can catch up and feel better before these things come up. She doesn’t want me to make the trip as she’s afraid it won’t be good for me. But how do you say “Sorry, mom. You’re on your own”? I can’t bring myself to do it.
My logical mind tells me that I should be able to just keep an eye on my stress and health and if I grit my teeth and keep leaning forward, I should be able to do all of it. But I’m starting to see that attitude is part of why I’m so ill all the time. I push forward when I should be stepping back and taking a break.
This kind of difficult situation comes up a lot. Times when I “should” be taking care of myself, but the needs of others feels more pressing and important. It seems like there’s always going to be time to take care of myself later, but that time never seems to appear.
When there are difficult demands, I always just find a way to push through and make it happen. Am I doing myself a disservice? Should I be taking care of myself first and others later? But what if later is too late? What if they need me now, regardless of how much gas I’ve got in my tanks?
I never seem to know what the right thing to do is when I have difficult decisions to make. Any tips?